The moment a woman learns that she has been blessed to become a mother; the count down to a new life begins. I’ve been told that it feels as if a million and one emotions flood her being all at one time. Soon to be mommies have also shared that after thinking about how life is soon to change mommy and baby websites and subscriptions to newsletters become their new best friend. These websites and subscriptions assist with possible names, health related questions, and help her gauge her baby’s growth stage at a specific time. From fetus to newborn mommy reads her weekly, bi-weekly, and/or monthly newsletter learning about the exciting milestones her new baby is reaching. Although her early stages in her physical appearance may not give any evidence that she’s expecting, this new mommy knows that with each passing day her new blessing is growing from stage to stage. It is only a matter of time before the seed she’s carrying manifest itself. From reading websites and blogs she takes note to a few interesting “in the womb” milestones.
- One month: baby body parts begins to develop
- Three months: unique fingerprints are now in place
- Five months: Eye brows and eyelids are now in place
- Seven months: baby can open and close its eyes and follow light
- Nine months: baby is ready to arrive and make its presence known
The big day is finally here. The little one that had been anticipated has finally arrived on its expected due date. The baby weight, length, and time of birth are all recorded. Everyone is excited! Joy is in the air. Tears are shed. High fives are given. Although the big day has arrived for mommy and baby, truth be told, bigger days are on its way. The “in the womb” milestones were reached, now it’s time for a new set of milestones. And these too must be reached in a timely matter.
From fetus to newborn mothers used websites, blogs, and newsletters as an “in the womb” milestone reference tool. Although those tools were very helpful during that time, mommy and baby are now entering into a new stage of growth, a stage that she can now visibly see. Therefore instead of only relying on online tools, she now begins to ask other mothers about the “after womb” growth milestones. Just like the baby had milestones to reach inside the womb, there are many milestones that need to be reached outside of the womb. Such as:
- One month: He can lift his head briefly
- Three Months: She can hold her head herself and roll over and do mini push-ups
- Four-Seven Months: Baby babbling takes place, smiles happen frequently, learns her name and look your way once you call her
- Eight-Twelve Months: He can crawl and scoot. He can sit up on his own. He also may blurt out mama or dada.
While these are a few milestones babies are expected to reach, moms are constantly comparing notes by asking other mothers questions such as when did your baby learn to rollover? How many months was she when she started crawling? When did she begin feeding herself? At what age was your son potty trained? Not only most mommies are looking for their baby to meet these expectations, but in many cases exceed them.
Interestingly, once we become adults we too have the tendency to compare adulthood notes. But instead of directly comparing notes like our mother did during our infancy and toddler stage. We use tools like social media, the internet, or possibly television. For instance, you may find out through a friend that a mutual friend has recently graduated from the very university that you desired to attend. How about you’ve learned that your ex recently tied the knot, only days after you considered going back and giving him or her another chance with your heart? Perhaps your younger sibling recently purchased a new home.
Let’s be honest, sometimes after hearing good news of others one side of you may feel happy and the other side of you looks over your life, like, what the heck! You begin to question yourself. You begin to reflect over the course of your life and the decisions that you’ve made. However, if you’re not careful not only will you beat yourself up, you will begin to doubt yourself. You’ll start looking at the timeline of your life comparing it to the timeline of others, not understanding why you haven’t made it farther then you did. If you’re not watchful you’ll begin creating all sorts of reasons why they succeeded and you did not. How do I know? I specialized in comparing my life to my other friends; the crazy thing is they never knew that I was comparing my life to theirs. We laughed and joke together and they had no idea. To this day they don’t have any clue that I was secretly using their life as measuring stick for my life.
One of my close friends, I envied; you know what, I was damn near jealous of their marriage. Here’s why, during my first marriage I and my ex were extremely unhappy. We did what typical unhappy couples with children do, went along with the program of being husband and wife for the sake of the kids. She didn’t like me and the feelings were definitely mutual. For ten plus years we argued and fussed. The kids were miserable and I felt sorry that they experienced such an unhappy relationship between their mother and father.
During my previous marriage I would get nauseated to see couples holding hands or husbands display public affection toward their wife. It would make me sick to my stomach. I really got to a point in my life where I thought I was going to die an unhappy man. Guys who I grew up with, my childhood friends were all getting married and they were so happy glowing with love and growing in love; while I was growing with bitterness in my heart. I was in a dark place in life pertaining to my relationship with my ex-wife. I was living life in “park”. Although I wouldn’t consider myself to be up in age, I looked over my life and said to myself, Kashaun you have to pull yourself together. Yes other people around you have achieved certain milestones in a specific time-frame, that’s okay.
You see, I was big into time-frames. Meaning, in order for me to have felt good about myself I had to have attained specific goals by a certain age. I always had to have something by a specific age time-frame. Unfortunately, when that time would roll around and I didn’t achieve the thing I desired I would become depressed and begin looking around at the achievements of others; once again I would spiral downward into a river of self-pity.
Until one day after some long reflection, meditation, prayer, and listening to personal development I heard business philosopher Jim Rohn state, “you won’t reach your destination overnight, but you can surly change your direction overnight”. Once hearing those words I quickly realized that I could never, ever be stuck in an unhappy life draining situation. I am not a tree. I am a human being! The mighty human being is not immobile. No matter your physical state, your mind, the greatest tool in the universe cannot be immobilized. It’s free to travel anywhere at any given moment. You and I can do, be, and have just about anything we want! We are human beings. We can build homes out of lumber; construct airplanes from bending metal, create vaccines for illnesses, and communicate like never before using smart phones with tiny micro-chips the list goes on and on. We can be divorced today and find love tomorrow. You could have been homeless and jobless for the last year six months to a year and your life can turn around in an instant. You can be plagued with illnesses and all of a sudden march up the stair case of health.
Every reality we see was once a dream. Although my reality was filled with misery, I held on to the dream of one day marrying the woman of my dreams and living a happy healthy life. Although throughout my life I achieved what others would call great milestones, being happily married was truly on top of the list as one of life’s greatest milestones to reach.
Due to the fact I knew how important it was for me to reach this milestone I changed my vision. Instead of looking outwardly, I had begun to look inwardly. Deep down inside I knew I was capable of being a good husband, but I had to change my view of life. I had to stop looking at the life of others and when they reached their milestones. And focus of developing me for reaching my happily married milestone. The most important adjustment I made: do not fall in love with time-frames. Yes it’s good to have time-frames in place. Nevertheless, if you do not reach your goal in your desired time-frame take comfort in knowing that the universe knows the exact moment to deliver to you your heart’s desire.
During the process of working on me I got out of my miserable life draining marriage and met a young lady that would forever change my life for the better. And now I’m glad to call her my wife. During my waiting period of falling in love and eventually getting married I worked on me. Just like the new woman that finds out she’s about to become a mommy, she begins working on herself knowing that one day she’s about to give birth to someone special. It’s the same with you and I. Mothers have about 37 to 40 weeks to get ready for their miracle. You and I, we don’t know the exact timing of the birth of our miracle. But no matter what the time-frame is, use it to get yourself ready. Keep in mind the words of Jim Rohn, “you won’t reach your destination overnight, but you can surly change direction overnight.”