Are you looking for ways to reignite the sense of newness and spark in your relationship?
When you first met your partner, everything literally seemed to glow, hum and buzz with excitement. The way he touches my hand, the way she plays with her hair, or how delightful it is just to make dinner together. Every moment felt new and fresh (because it is) and as a result you felt a deep sense of aliveness in your connection with your new partner. Then slowly but surely repetition sets in. What can we say? Humans are creatures of habit. We create comfortable patterns that suit our personalities. I cook the dinner, he cleans the dishes. He watches football on Sunday, I go on a hike. He wakes up at 7am sharp to shower, I lay in bed until I summon the willpower to go make breakfast. He falls asleep on the couch every night while watching reruns of Lost, while I curl up in bed alone.... and on and on it goes. What happens is that repetition kills the relationship spark. Repetition diminishes the sense of exhilaration and excitement- the sense of truly seeing ourselves and each other as new, growing, and evolving beings.
What is true is that we are new people everyday. Every moment we are changing and expanding. Our desires, our thoughts, and our actions change day to day, even just a little bit. Yet, in the routine of everyday interactions it is so easy to stop seeing each other with fresh eyes. It is so easy to just assume your partner is the same person you met 2, 10 or 20 years ago. Imagine waking up each morning, looking over at your sweetie and joyfully saying, “Good morning love. Hmmm.... I am excited to discover who you are today!”
So how do we change this? How do we open to seeing our partner with fresh eyes? How do we reignite the spark?
4 Steps to Make Your Relationship Come Alive
Change one thing in your routine everyday.
“What? Change my routine! Are you kidding me? But I love my routine!” Yes, it might feel uncomfortable at first, but trust us. Gently shaking up the routine is as simple as using mustard in your sandwich instead of mayo. It opens up the possibility for new experiences, new forms of connection, and creates space for the birthing of even more desires.
Ideas: Instead of dinner and a movie, go out salsa dancing. Sit on a different chair at the kitchen table rather than your usual seat. Instead of your regular walk, go on a walk someplace you have never been before. Cuddle on the couch rather than sitting in separate rooms. Create a weekend getaway adventure that includes staying at a bed & breakfast, drinking delicious wine, and soaking in the tub.
Attempt to surprise yourself and your partner everyday.
(Disclaimer: when we say “surprise,” we mean surprises that are friendly- not coming home with spiky purple hair). Be willing to discover who you are right now. What are your desires? What sounds super fun to you? Do those things. Once you start discovering new things that you enjoy, it will be that much easier to surprise your partner. We love surprises because they add an element of play in relationship. Each day, think of something you can do to increase the amount of excitement and play in your everyday life. They don’t have to be big things, but they do add up.
Ideas: Spontaneously invite him to waltz with you around the living room. Wear sexy pajamas to bed if you usually wear the frumpy cotton variety. Set a bath for her with candles all around the tub. Branch out and cook a new type of cuisine. Find something in your closet you always loved but never wore, and boldly wear it. Bring home flowers when she least expects it. Take him out to a surprise dinner somewhere new.
What you place your attention on grows. When you wake up each morning with an intention to have more fun in your relationship, you will create that because that is where you are focusing your attention. However, if you wake each morning focused on what you don’t have and what your partner is not doing, you will actually create more of that. So, which do you prefer?
Make it your goal each day to have fun as you surprise your partner and alter one thing in your routine. Enjoy your partner’s joyful reactions. Enjoy discovering yourself anew in this amazing life your living.
The Whopper: A Commitment to Growth and Learning.
The most full proof way to ensure your relationship does not go stale is for both of you to be 100% committed to growing and learning. If you are constantly opening, discovering and evolving, you are reinventing yourselves every single day. If you are reinventing yourselves, no one will ever get bored. Plus, having an openness to growing and learning generates so many more opportunities for fun!
So what do you think? Are you willing to have fun, surprise your partner, and switch up that daily routine to reignite the spark in your relationship? Are you willing to make a commitment to growing and learning? Try on these suggestions and let us know what happens.
With Love - Juna Mustad & Brendan Murphy
Brendan and Juna are a couple in love with learning, growing and discovering. They feature weekly videos on DailyRelationship.com where they candidly expose their relationship challenges and discoveries, while including valuable tools for building an off-the-charts amazing relationship. Brendan and Juna are graduates of The Hendricks Institute’s Leadership and Transformation Program, and are also certified Conscious Living & Loving Coaches. The Hendricks Institute has been teaching people for over 30 years how to create thriving relationships. In the fall of 2012, Brendan & Juna entered relationship and decided to create Daily Relationship as a reflection of their commitment to expand their joy, love, and creativity, while inspiring others to do the same. Since December of 2012, Brendan and Juna’s captivating weekly videos have sparked the creation of many more conscious relationships around the world. To learn more check out www.dailyrelationship.com.